just for fun..
i just finished my round of nite. today is my sleeping day.
i tot my night would nv end.
i kind of hate nite shifts. its always perpecutally busy. and i can get very lonely.
esp when i'm working with some ppl.

i cant understand how some ppl can be so judgemental. and always waiting for you to make a mistake. its taking a toil on me and i fantasize bursting.
i just got into trouble with bro for using his com for ten minutes. i shld hv nv taken chances. anyway, its my fault. me and my big mouth. i happily told him that i used for a while to help my uncle print chicken rice recipe. and he got so pissed off and started yelling at me. he and trex are so similar. if he doesnt change his behaviour soon, guess what, i'm gonna start calling him mini-trex. nah trex jr sounds better. hahah


rite now, i'm all alone in my room. i love being in my room alone. i shld learn how to spend time more with myself and start loving myself more. its all gonna begin with me.
did a lot of soul searching these couple of days.

-decide that i have been caring too much for monster and spoilt brat.
-its high time i learn to give them space to fall and pick themselves up.

u know what upsets me, that i try so hard to please them , to do my upmost best and yet i go unappreciated. not that i even expect appreciation. but at times, i dun even get basic good behavoirs. i make them sound like monsters. but they arent.. they are nice and perfect at times. i juz wish thier nice and perfect side could withstand longer than thier monstrous side.

monster and spoilt brat are locked up nx room. mosnter seem to find new solance in her ham pao pao.

i love cigarette free air. its makes me happy. i juz realised how deprieved i was frm cig free air since trex left.

i feel bad. but since trex left, everything is happier at home. no nagging. no self-pitying. no arguemnents, no shouting.

sometimes i dunno how to help my mum. part of me feels she aint truthful. and she's juz confused. another part of me feels like am i really correct to say that the important thing is to be happy and nothing else matters?

what if in the process to seek happiness, u end up hurting all ur love ones. what is happiness then? if being happy is all that matters, then y is that no matter how much i try to be happy, i start feel more hypocrital???

maybe i'm a bitter person. so bitter that i feel almost obliged to mask it in my daily life. sometimes in the process, i dun know who i am anymore. at times, i feel i speak too much. but it will be too late for me to bite my tongue.
there are many lessons i wanna learn. but hv yet to put into practise.

-such as not too much

i seriously have a proble with my self image.
i come across and too happy-go-lucky.
irresponsible and come what may.
but then again.. y are the ppl ard me so hard -up
life is short. hv a break.
just becoz u are pathetically miserable, i'm not obliged to be ur partner in crime.

oh God, please help me. pls cont to give me the strength to live and smile in this evil world or evil ppl. Amen.