am i the only non-materialistic bitch ard in this world? am i the only one tt belives money isnt the only thing that makes the world go round??? am i the only one that thinks bld ties are stronger than dollars and cents??? (at least i used to then...)
i'm running a dunno what the fark temp. yet i'm plonked on my blaardy chair. and whining away to becca and to my blog. i dunno what i wld do if i didnt whine to becca.... oh man. moni used to be my pillar of strength.. looks like i've seeked solance in u.
i hate being sick. no matter how much i try not to feel helpless and hopeless, i still do... i juz long for that lil tender loving care. i juz long for attn when i crave and to be left alone when i want to...but i get non... non at all. i dun even ask. i juz mind my own business and hide at my own corner. do i sound like i'm self-pitying?? how sad. coz i'm nv like that.. maybe i'm not as strong as i think i am.
i juz want my OLD mummy to be my side. not hte changed mummy she is now... i feel hurt. its almost like i dunno her anymore. everyday i pray to GOD to give her the wisdom. everyday i pray she wldnt drift too far.. everyday i juz wish i can slap the shit outta her head......
i talk to moni. she makes me happy. she makes me laugh. she been calling me lots lots. simply becoz i'm a replacement to her lappie. but i aint complaining. i need her as much as she needs me. mayb i need her even more. she says i'm her happy pill. i said she's my.. i dunno wat i said... but something sweet. along the line..... not that impt .. AT ALL
moni moni.. thinkin of u makes me wanna farking cry. i forgot dan called directly to u. u know hw we always chit -chat crap and non-stop?? we got carried away. he came. he yelled non-stop. ouch.. but for him to come over and start commenting like buy ur own phone card coz u've started working. ya la fark head. i've started working. but wtf do u think. they stuff my pocket with money everyday at work is it. it isnt payday smark fark. so u even think i wanna take a single cent frm u if i can help it... (then explain how i stubbornly refused to ask for money when u conveniently pretended that i dun need MONEY!!!!!!)
did it even occur to u how i am gonna survive n the 12th to 24th?? oh! my apologies. i forgot coz ur brain is tooooo PUNY!!!!!!!!!! ur brain cells aint enough to process the info that i need money for 12th to 24th..
did it even occur to u that i din go to the doc even though my fever been way too long coz of MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no u dun care.. all u think is that i'm a selfish fark head who fleeces of u. go do some soul-searching u miserable piece of shit.
chits is another fark head. ya. ya. i know she did like tons for me. and i appreaciate that. but it cuts with a knife when u act like a cloned trex and ask 20 farking dollars to help me top up my farking card.
i mayb sound unreasonable. but i dun care anymore. its ur farking payday. i din ask u when ur low and dry u heartless creature. and i bet my life u wldnt react tt way with the farking guys now wld u??????? FARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK u!!!!!! when u wan money only u come and ask me. when i ask u .. u treat me like i'm some parasite. nabei. i ask u every day, every wk, every mth is it. in fact this is the only time i asked okie. and the farking reason is i need a farking transport to farking go to work like farkhead. if not i wldnt even bother asking u top up for me.
u think i'm gg gallavanting with my topped up card ar. even if i go so what. then go gallavanting at ur age is it. nabei. dun make me say things which i know i'll eventually regret. well maybe.. maybe not.
i hate money coz ppl are dependent on them. i hate things i must depend on. what ever it is, one thing i have learnt frm life. u can only depend on urself. and nv wish, wonder and crave for things that do not belong to u..
build everything frm scratch if u have to.. afterall, the day u entered the world u came with nothing.. i'm ambitious. but at my own expense. sometimes even stupidly...
rmb what i say lil sista. close as we maybe now, u'll nv noe the day i might turn my back on u. though i'm not that kind and nv wanna be..but if that day shld ever come, just slap me and tell me u love me and dun give up on me...
i've always been a sucker....
p/s: i nv knew momsi wld change so much. but at least she gave us good memories.. we shld be thankful.
7:49:00 PM, Glamourous metaphor
PROFILE
Name: Stephanie
Nick: Pepperx
D.O.B: 05 March 1985
